Brexit debate: Why We Disagree and How to Talk About It

Written by Talk2eu contributors - October 2026

Brexit conversations often go round in circles. We hear the same arguments without getting closer to understanding each other. Perhaps we are debating the EU when the real disagreement is about control, identity, respect and trust.

However, understanding why we disagree is only part of the story. We also need to ask what they hoped Brexit would change, whether it delivered and what sort of relationship people want with Europe now.

“We voted.”

“We took back control.”

“Why should unelected bureaucrats tell us what to do?”

“We’re better off on our own.”

Something we've learned over the years. The Brexit debate is not always really about the EU.

The Brexit debate

People voted Leave and Remain for different reasons. Some Leave voters wanted decisions made in Britain, not in the EU. Others were frustrated with UK politicians or hoped that Brexit would bring about change. Many Remain voters valued collaborating with other European countries, fearing Britain would lose influence and opportunities.

There was no single reason for either vote. However, our views are shaped by our lives and experiences, and we cannot know what someone believes just from how they voted.

Understanding why someone voted the way they did does not mean agreeing with them. It means hearing their reasons before judging them.

What does taking back control mean?

For some, control means Parliament making laws or the UK setting its own immigration rules. For others, it means feeling that their vote counts and that those in power listen to them.

The referendum gave people a powerful choice on an issue they felt was important.

But leaving the EU did not free Britain from outside pressures and problems. Our economy, security and environment are still affected by decisions made elsewhere. Cooperation can involve accepting shared rules, but it can also give Britain influence over decisions it could not shape alone.

The question is where Britain needs to make its own decisions and where working with other countries gives us more influence.

When a vote becomes personal

For many people, Leave and Remain became labels tied to their identity. Leave could represent independence and patriotism. Remain could represent cooperation and the belief that Britain is stronger when it works with its neighbours.

A criticism of Brexit can sound like a criticism of everyone who voted for it. Remain voters can face similar dismissal, being treated as disloyal or unwilling to accept the result. When people feel their identity is under attack, they are less likely to reconsider their views.

We can challenge someone’s argument without questioning their intelligence or loyalty to the country.

Then there is trust. People who distrust politicians or the media may reject arguments from sources they already doubt. Evidence is important, but we so is understanding why people distrust those people who are presenting it.

What does Britain want now?

We cannot change the 2016 referendum, but we can decide what we want from our relationship with Europe now.

Questions such as:

• Should Britain work with its neighbours on trade, research, security and climate change?

• Where do we need freedom to act alone, and where would cooperation help us achieve more?

• What costs or compromises are we willing to accept?

  
  

These questions are more useful than endlessly arguing over who was right in 2016. Those who want closer ties with the EU need to explain what that would mean in practice, including the benefits, limits and trade-offs, rather than just saying to people that Brexit was a mistake.

A different conversation

We could start by asking:

• What did you hope Brexit would change?

• Has it done that?

• What would you want Britain’s relationship with Europe to look like now?

We should be prepared to answer those questions ourselves, too. People need room to reconsider their views without being mocked for what they believed before.

We do not have to agree about Brexit to openly discuss Britain’s future. But we do need to draw a line under 2016 and ask what we want to achieve in the future.

What does Britain want to be now?

What relationship with Europe will help it get there?

That is a conversation worth having.

About the authors

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